


Imagine My Heart

by Aimandfire



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Depression, Dissociation, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kidnapping, Neglect, Other, Overworking, Sick Character, Sickfic, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:15:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25699417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aimandfire/pseuds/Aimandfire
Summary: Logan is handling absolutely nothing well. He manages to convince himself he's unwanted and unneeded, and only his work is important. Without consulting anyone else he slips into the imagination where sides can't feel hungry or tired. Of course if he returns to the mindscape everything that the imagination is holding at bay will be relapsed tenfold, but he has no plans to do so.
Comments: 23
Kudos: 154





	Imagine My Heart

Time passed differently in the imagination, so Logan had no idea how long he had been there, but he didn’t care. Honestly that was kinda the point. In the imagination the sides didn’t need to sleep, didn’t need to eat, didn’t need to drink. Logan didn’t need to do anything other than work.

Of course as soon as he returned to the mindscape all the effects would hit him, but Logan was never planning on returning. If he did he would be dearly punished for neglecting his own health as so, but it was unlikely to ever be a problem. 

The imagination was filled with quaint little towns and blank faced townspeople that did nothing unless prompted. They didn’t do anything at all when Logan found one of the many empty cabins, then moved in with all his work and his laptop. He wouldn’t be surprised if their basic programming made it so he was completely forgotten about, especially because he hasn’t left the building since he arrived.

Logan can’t really remember why he left to the imagination in the first place. He didn’t really think there was one specific reason. He just started to feel…. Distant. Unwanted, and unneeded, and he started to feel exhausted. He decided to go to the imagination to let off some steam, but even then there was a fog that washed over him. Still it reminded him that he wouldn’t need to sleep in the imagination, or care for himself at all.

Logan figured he needed to just be more effective, then he would start to feel better, and what better place to do so than somewhere where his needs were taken care of. He moved into the imagination, and while he still felt exhausted he was getting work done much faster than before, with no one or nothing to distract him.

He can’t remember when he decided he wouldn’t leave, but he was quite adamant about it now. It just made sense, he was getting things done, being more effective than he has been in years. Of course the fog didn’t go away, nor did the exhaustion. He just felt nothing, but that wasn’t a bad thing right? It just meant he was being an effective logic, not letting emotions cloud your judgment. 

He didn’t know how long he had been here. A week? Maybe two? Who knows. He didn’t know if the other sides were searching for him, or not. He was expecting them to panic, look for him for a while, then realize that Thomas was being so much more effective, and eventually stop working. 

Logan was never planning for what to do if anyone did find him. He wouldn’t be surprised if they looked, but they would probably stay in the mindscape, most likely the memories and the library of knowledge. Logan hadn't gone to the imagination in years, so there’s no way they would suspect that’s where he had run off to. They might give it a cursory glance, but wouldn’t look too deep. The house Logan was in looked exactly like all the others and his curtains kept in any light.

So imagine his surprise when one day as he was typing away on his computer there was a loud and defining crack from behind him. 

He turned around quickly to see the door to his hut was kicked in by none other than a pale and breathless Roman, his eyes wide in shock, his sword held in shaking hands. 

Logan took a long look at the creative side, unsure what to do. Both sides were completely silent. Finally he turned his back to Roman and continued typing away. Either Roman would get the hint and leave, or isolation was making him hallucinate and Roman wasn’t real anyway.

He was not expecting for a hand to grab his collar and to yank him backwards. He tried to stand up but Roman was pulling him too quickly. He dragged the logical side from the hut into the dirt street, surrounded by blank faced bystanders.

“Roman stop! Let me go!” Logan demanded. Roman froze quickly, allowing Logan to finally get to his feet, but Roman’s grip was still holding firm. “What are you doing? What is this madness?” Logan demanded, trying to pull away, causing Roman to hold him even tighter.

“Madness? Logan, if anyone has gone crazy it’s you! You can’t be in the imagination this long! You’ve been gone almost two months!” Roman practically screeched, his voice drowning in concern. Logan pulled away, and Roman finally let go. “Do you know what that does to a person?”

“I am fine, clearly.” Logan said indignantly “The imagination hasn’t hurt me at all. What harm could it possibly do? I haven’t needed to eat nor sleep the entire time I was here. I’ve been working here, and have gotten more done than I have in awhile.” 

Roman face went stark white. “You haven’t…. Logan you need to eat!” Roman yelled, his voice far more high pitched than normal “When you get back to reality the starvation will hit you all at once! We need to get you fed, then we need to get you back home. Christ Logan, you haven’t eaten at all!” Roman was clearly distressed, but Logan was more than a little miffed about Roman’s assumption.

“Excuse you, I am not going back.” Logan said indignantly, causing Roman to slowly look up at him in shock.

“I’m sorry, what?” Roman asked incredulously, not sure he heard Logan properly.

“I said I’m not going back. Excuse me, I need to work.” Logan turned his head back inside, but suddenly felt a cuff and chain around his wrist that stopped him from moving. He tried pulling away, but the cuff wasn’t coming loose. He looked up to Roman who was holding the chain in white gripped hands. “Roman, what is this?”

“L-Logan.” He stuttered out, shaking as he did so. “I’m sorry, you can come back later but please, we need to get back. P-please, I’ll get you some w-water and f-food, but we need to get back home.” Roman pleaded.

“Don’t be ridiculous. There is no need for me to ever return. Now if you will unhand me.” Logan grunted as he tried to pull the chain away from Roman. Roman’s face suddenly went stone cold and became unreadable. “Roman?” Logan asked, now slightly unsure. Suddenly Roman pulled him forward, making Logan trip, before stopping right in front of a light pole. Before Logan could say anything Roman linked the chain around the poll and connected it using magic. “Roman!” Logan yelled. Roman let go of the chain, but it was now tied around the poll. Logan tugged, but it didn’t loosen at all.

“I’m sorry Logan, but you can’t stay here. I’m going to get some help.” Roman’s voice was so quiet and calm, Logan was honestly a bit confused. 

Then Roman vanished, slipping off to somewhere else, leaving Logan alone. Logan pulled at the chain again and again, but it didn’t budge, the blank faced townsfolk ignoring him completely. 

“Help! Help!” Logan called, hoping someone would finally pay attention and help him. He saw something rise up and spoke before he looked over. “Whoever’s with Roman can you please tell him to let me g-” His voice went silent as he finally saw who was there. It wasn’t Roman.

“I’m sorry but what the fuck?” Remus practically spat out the words, his eyes crazed with dark circles underneath. His black costume was torn and his face looked pale. 

“You’re brother found me about a minute ago, and insisted I go back to the mindscape. When I told him I was staying and tried to go back to my work he tied me to this pole, and he said he was going to get someone. Now can you please let me go?” Logan asked.

Remus suddenly looked absolutely enraged. “No the fuck I won’t. The fuck were you thinking? You disappear for almost two months, and just expect to go back to whatever the fuck you were doing? No! You have some explaining to do. Roman!” Remus called, summoning his brother to his side instantly.

“Remus, thank god you’re here! Please, we need to convince Logan to eat something. He hasn’t eaten at all!” Roman yelled, as Remus’s face paled.

“I’m sorry, he ate nothing? At all? Logan is this true?” Remus asked. Instead of responding Logan pulled at the cuff again.

“Let me go!” Logan wailed, seemingly answering the question. In a single gesture he vanished the cuff, hosted Logan over his shoulder, and ducked into a different castle in the imagination. 

The sudden change made Logan dizzy, so he couldn’t resist when Remus plopped him on a chair, and he couldn’t resist when Remus tied him down. 

“Remus, what?” Logan asked grogally, struggling against the ropes.

“Okay, I know things seem fine right now, but the imagination fucks with people” Remus exclaimed. “It messes with your perception of time, pain, your emotions-” Remus tried to explain, but Logan cut him off.

“That’s ridiculous. I haven’t felt any emotions since I arrived. Now untie me so I can get back to work.” Logan snapped, making Remus go very pale.

“Logan… That’s not a good thing.” Remus whispered. Just then Roman appeared in his full glory, holding a woven basket, and looking pissed. 

“Remus! Don’t leave me like that!” Roman called, but he was clearly more worried than annoyed. “I brought food and water for Lo. Once he eats it we can go back home.”

“I’m not eating anything, now let me go.” Logan snapped, struggling against his bonds.

“If you don’t eat it we’ll force feed you. Trust me, you’ll thank us.” Remus snapped back without hesitation, causing Logan to shut up. He doubted Remus was lying.

“Fine. Can you at least untie me?” Logan conceded as he stopped struggling. The twins looked at each other, seemingly having a silent conversation, before Remus let out a sigh and nodded.

“Ok. But if you run, I’m tying you down again.” Remus warned, placing the basket in front of the logical side. It contained a few pieces of bread and some fruits as well as a water bottle. Logan took out a roll to feel it was still warm. He took a bite, then nearly spat out the entire thing due to how foren it felt. He really hasn’t eaten in awhile, has he?

Logan choked down the roll and drank half the bottle of water before saying he was finished. Both the twins frowned at him, but no one said anything about how little he ate.

“Good, now that you’re finished we can head back.” Roman said, hesitantly, eyeing Logan hesitantly.

“Of course, lets.” Logan said simply, rising from his seat and putting Roman at ease. He pushed the chair into the table, brushed the crumbs off his shirt, then ran in the opposite direction.

Roman called after him, but Logan ignored him in favor of fleeing the castle. He didn’t have a plan, didn’t know the castle at all, and really didn’t plan to get far. He was hoping he could find somewhere to hide and eventually the twins would get bored and leave him be.

He barely got down the hall before the castle started to move and shift. He completely forgot that the rules of reality no longer applied to this realm, and the twins could do whatever they wanted, and what they wanted to do was box Logan into a hallway without doors.

Still he ran, until he ended up at the end of the hall with nowhere to go. He turned back, only to see Remus standing there, his morningstar ready and his stance ready to catch Logan if he tried to run again as he slowly inched forward.

“Remus let me go.” Logan tried to keep his voice level as he spoke, but it shook ever so slightly. Remus didn't respond, only getting closer and closer. Logan pushed himself against the wall, now getting worried, till they were face to face. Logan could feel his heart beating hard as he wasn’t sure what to do. Remus was a wildcard, Logan had no idea what he would do.

He wasn’t expecting Remus to drop his morningstar and practically tackling Logan into a hug, tears streaming down his eyes.

“Goddamn it Logan!” Remus cried, his grip almost painfully tight. “The fuck were you thinking? Were you planning on staying here forever?”

“Yes.” Logan said blankly, now confused. He didn’t try to fight against Remus’s grip, as the warmth felt nice, but he was confused. “Why wouldn’t we?”

“I miss you! We all missed you! Don’t you understand?” Remus cried, rocking slightly as he dug his head into Logan’s shoulder.

“Oh.” Was all Logan said, not sure how to respond. They missed him? Why would they miss him? Logan didn’t understand a thing, but he let Remus pick him up and hold him tightly against his chest.

Remus didn’t let Logan go as he came back to the dining room, met by a very worried looking Roman who was wringing his hands as he stood next to a portal he must have summoned. Logan tried to jerk out of Remus’s arms when he saw it, but Remus held fast.

No one said a word till Remus walked through the glowing portal, Logan in his arms, and the world started to tilt. Logan felt dizzy and nauseous and started to struggle.

“S-somethings wrong.” Logan mumbled. He was suddenly exhausted, hungry, sick, and felt utterly awful. He heard Remus mutter something softly, but couldn’t hear exactly what it was as he quickly fell unconscious.

Logan didn’t really know what was going on as he slipped in and out of consciousness. There was noise, a lot of it. He was freezing, then burning up, then freezing, but he couldn’t tell you why. There were hands on him, several hands. He tried to pull away but the hands kept him still, then he fell back to sleep.

When Logan finally woke up again he was confused. He was in a bed that wasn’t his own in a room filled with medical equipment. It was all very reminiscent of a hospital room. Logan looked down to see he was in some sort of cotton gown, and had an IV in his thin arm. He looked at it, confused. Why did he have an IV in? Didn’t he have things to do? Logan tried to slip out of the bed, but collapsed with a loud crash. Logan tried to stand, but felt so weak.

The door to the room swung open, but Logan was too weak to look up. There was a gasp before someone grabbed Logan’s arms and pulled him up. Logan finally caught a glimpse of his light blue polo shirt and grey cardigan.

“P’tton?” Logan mumbled, his voice as weak as he was as Patton helped him into the bed, his face blurry to Logan’s eyes.

“Shush, let’s get you back to bed.” Patton said softly, tucking Logan under the blankets. Logan didn’t even notice Patton holding a cup of broth under his mouth till Patton spoke again. “Take a sip, it’ll make you feel better.” Logan reached to hold the cup, but his hands were shaking. He finally just let them drop as he put his mouth on the cup and let Patton hold the cup.

The broth was thin and salty, but it only seemed to make Logan more hungry. At the end of the bowl Logan let out a whine. “M’re” He asked weakly. He still couldn’t see Patton’s face clearly, but saw he nodded.

“Ok kiddo, I’ll be back in a second.” Patton said softly, rushing to get more soup, but by the time he returned Logan was already asleep.

When Logan woke up again he wasn’t alone. Janus was sitting by his bed, as still and quiet as a statue. Logan tried to sit up, but found he was too weak. His arms were shaking and his neck could barely support his neck. Still, it got Janus’s attention.

“Ah. You’re  _ not  _ awake.” He was slipping into double speak, something he only did when nervous. He held out a cup of something to Logan’s face that didn’t smell quite right.

“What tis it?” Logan mumbled. He tried to reach out with his left arm, but found it stopped with a metal clink. He looked to the side groggily, only to see his arm was cuffed. “Wh’ts that?”

“Well my dear Logic, you seem to be quite a bit out of it, so we had to make sure you didn’t try and get up again. Now drink.” Janus held the jug to Logan’s mouth and almost on instinct he started to drink, then tried to spit it out.

“Bitter.” His vocabulary was failing him, but he could tell you that at least. Janus didn’t pull the cup away.

“Yes. It’s medicine, something you wouldn’t need if you didn’t decide you’d try and live in the imagination as a hermit. Now drink.” He begrudgingly started to sip the medicine again till it was empty, and he was starting to feel pleasantly warm afterwards, but didn’t stay up too much longer.

The third time he woke up he was with Virgil, who was pacing the room nervously. Logan woke up with a violent cough, prompting Virgil to his sudden wakefulness. Silently, Virgil grabbed a glass of water and was at Logan’s side and ready when he finally stopped coughing. Logan didn’t even try to grab the glass, instead just put his lips on the glass and drank the entire thing with one breath.

“Jesus Lo, you’re gonna drink up the ocean next?” Virgil joked nervously.

“That makes no sense. Any ocean would be impossible to drink by a single person, and it would be salty so it would only make my thirst worse.” Logan replied, matter of factly. Virgil blinked, then let out a loud and hysterical laugh.

“Good to have you back Lo. How are you feeling?” Virgil asked. Logan slowly lifted himself into a sitting position. He was exhausted, but could do that at least.

“Tired.” He said simply, as he pulled the cuff at his side. “Can you let me go?” Virgil opened his mouth hesitantly before responding.

“I… Don’t have a key.” Virgil said, and Logan was pretty sure he was lying. “But what about your emotions?” 

Logan thought about it, but couldn’t find an answer. How did he feel? He hasn’t really felt anything besides disappointment for a long time, even before he went to the imagination. “Nothing.” He said simply, causing concern to flutter over Virgil’s face.

“Nothing? At all?” Virgil asked, his voice a little higher than normal. Logan shook his head.

“Nothing.” Logan said, and Virgil resumed pacing the floor nervously. “Virge?” 

Virgil suddenly turned to Logan, looking scared and shaky, but determined. “Logan thats… Thats-thats not good. That’s really bad actually.” He took a deep breath. “That sounds a lot like depression, from what Roman said I think that’s a real possibility.” 

Logan blinked in surprise. That wasn’t what he was expecting at all. “Virgil I am fine. Logic doesn’t need emotions.” Logan explained calmly, but Virgil just shook his head.

“No, it’s not! Logan you have emotions, or at least you did! Then you stop talking to us, you stopped leaving your room, and then you just vanished! No one knew where you were for two months, then when Roman found you, you just kept working!” Virgil yelled, his voice on the edge of panic. 

“Virgil. There is no need to get so worked up. This is me, not any of the valuable sides. My presence isn’t needed for Thomas to function. Even if something happened to me, Thomas will be fine.” Logan said this to try and ease Virgil’s worry, but this seemed to just make things worse.

“Logan that's bad. That’s really, really bad. Janus was right.” He started to mumble under his breath, before turning back to Logan. “You need help.” Logan opened his mouth to speak, but Virgil continued. “And that’s alright! No one is upset, we’re just worried. We just want to help, but we can talk about it later. You still need to recover.” Logan wanted to disagree, wanted to dispute everything Virgil said, even if there might be some truth to it, but honestly? He was exhausted. He was far too tired to get into an argument right now, so he simply nodded and closed his eyes, slipping into a peaceful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, let me be honest here-I have very high expectations of myself, and for me this is terrible. I randomly got an idea, and made this in two days. This is not a culmination of my talents and is simply just something I couldn't get out of my head. I am working on a long fic (Already double the length of 'Even if they find us we're apathetic'). This is not great, but I've already written it so I may as well post it. I just hope you all enjoy this. I may rewrite this at some point, but it is highly unlikely.


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